PM Prorogues Himself

OTTAWA (KP) - Prime Minister Stephen ("You Call Me Steve, You Die, Socialist Scum") Harper has prorogued himself for an indefinite period, the Kanadian Press has learned.

"Well, look what happened to Mr. Dion and Mr. Rae this past week," Harper told reporters. "I'm no fool. One week you're an Ottawa big shot, the next you're a night clerk at your uncle's motel. Like hockey coaches, politicians are hired to be fired ... but not me. Uh-uh. I'll de-materialize before they boot me out—the GG, Parliament, whoever; if you ask me they're all separatist motherfucking traitors. What's that, François? Oui, oui, quote me, but use the proper translation: 'les jolies souverainistes.' Now if you'll kindly excuse me, I have some urgent Senate appointments to make."

Turf 'Em Out!

Last week's partisan-vitriol-disguised-as-economic-update was, quite simply, a disgrace. Repeat after me, Mr. Harper: M-I-N-O-R-I-T-Y. You cannot govern like a dictator, ramming your ideological whims through Parliament. Further, in order to govern at all, you must maintain the confidence of the House of Commons, which you clearly have lost.

This has nothing to do with "overturning election results" and besides, if you and your minions want to play electoral shell games, let's remember that 62% of Canadians did not vote Conservative.

Pseudo-patriotic babble about "saving Canada" from a "coup" notwithstanding, the sole undemocratic act in the course of this fiasco is about to be committed by the Prime Minister, should the Governor-General allow it: a proroguing of Parliament. Such hijinks serve but one purpose: to enable der Fuhrer to evade certain defeat for another month and a half. Meanwhile, Canada's economy lurches on, eagerly awaiting a leader with actual economic policies to implement.

This government under no circumstances can (or should) continue governing, yet it's pulling out all the stops (rallies, TV and radio ads, fear-mongering) to maintain its grip on power.

Will the coalition refer to itself as "Canada's new government" in its eventual throne speech? I sure hope so.

Update: A Vote, Yes ... for No One

So, last night I trundled up to my local advance poll to vote for none of the above. After a half-hour wait in line that quelled any concerns of participatory democracy losing its sheen, I marked my ballot thus:

BALLOT DELIBERATELY LEFT BLANK.

NONE OF THESE CANDIDATES REPRESENT MY INTERESTS.

PLEASE RECORD AS A PROTEST VOTE.

A Canadian federal ballot contains precious little white space, precisely in order to discourage such shenanigans. I crammed my message into the tiny area surrounding the first name (a Communist, if I recall), knowing full well that my efforts count only as another spoiled ballot.

Why I Will Not Vote

Conservative: Muzzle local candidates because, God forbid, they might shoot off their mouths and tell the truth about the party once known as CRAP. Will drain tax dollars away from infrastructure, housing and arts/culture and funnel them into the military. Determined to continue a senseless, unwinnable war. Utter contempt for artists, the arts, and anything urban. This agenda is nowhere to be found on their sleek, spin-doctored web site, which befits the most tightly controlled campaign in Canadian history.

Liberal: Brought Canada into Afghanistan and fully support the war. Most notable accomplishment: served as Official Opposition that refused to oppose. Much-hyped Green Shift will transfer the tax base from income to pollution and other "bad things." Who gets to decide what's a bad thing? Oops, I forgot: a cadre of health-and-environment lobbyists have decided for us (smoking, global warming, obesity, bisphenol A). No further discussion needed. Leader prone to fear-mongering insistence that we must act now to save (our country, our planet, our children ... insert motherhood-and-apple-pie noun here).

NDP: Marches in lockstep with the toxin witch-hunters. The NDP vows to "take more poisons out of people's homes, consumer products and communities," generously giving us the gift of purity whether we want it or not. With respect to health policy, they promise to ban trans fats. Next they'll tackle "the crisis of childhood obesity." (No, Jack, it was a crisis last month. Now it's an epidemic. No, breaking news: it's been upgraded to a pandemic.)

Green: A one-trick pony and for my money, scarier than Stephen Harper. Alarmist enviro-crazies who view NDP and Liberal environmental policies as half-baked half measures. Web site reveals a take-no-prisoners approach that aims to ban all toxins and confer special rights on those with environmental sensitivities. And who gets to decide what's toxic? Oh, right: our crack team of unbiased zealots.

I vote none of the above. Though each has something to commend them, the good stuff is far outweighed by the negatives. (Yes, even the Greens; if they could run the Ministry of Transport and nothing else, I'd support them.)

For the record, this is the first time I've done this. I've voted in every election (federal, provincial, and municipal) since I turned 18.