PM Prorogues Himself

OTTAWA (KP) - Prime Minister Stephen ("You Call Me Steve, You Die, Socialist Scum") Harper has prorogued himself for an indefinite period, the Kanadian Press has learned.

"Well, look what happened to Mr. Dion and Mr. Rae this past week," Harper told reporters. "I'm no fool. One week you're an Ottawa big shot, the next you're a night clerk at your uncle's motel. Like hockey coaches, politicians are hired to be fired ... but not me. Uh-uh. I'll de-materialize before they boot me out—the GG, Parliament, whoever; if you ask me they're all separatist motherfucking traitors. What's that, François? Oui, oui, quote me, but use the proper translation: 'les jolies souverainistes.' Now if you'll kindly excuse me, I have some urgent Senate appointments to make."