PM Prorogues Himself

OTTAWA (KP) - Prime Minister Stephen ("You Call Me Steve, You Die, Socialist Scum") Harper has prorogued himself for an indefinite period, the Kanadian Press has learned.

"Well, look what happened to Mr. Dion and Mr. Rae this past week," Harper told reporters. "I'm no fool. One week you're an Ottawa big shot, the next you're a night clerk at your uncle's motel. Like hockey coaches, politicians are hired to be fired ... but not me. Uh-uh. I'll de-materialize before they boot me out—the GG, Parliament, whoever; if you ask me they're all separatist motherfucking traitors. What's that, François? Oui, oui, quote me, but use the proper translation: 'les jolies souverainistes.' Now if you'll kindly excuse me, I have some urgent Senate appointments to make."

Turf 'Em Out!

Last week's partisan-vitriol-disguised-as-economic-update was, quite simply, a disgrace. Repeat after me, Mr. Harper: M-I-N-O-R-I-T-Y. You cannot govern like a dictator, ramming your ideological whims through Parliament. Further, in order to govern at all, you must maintain the confidence of the House of Commons, which you clearly have lost.

This has nothing to do with "overturning election results" and besides, if you and your minions want to play electoral shell games, let's remember that 62% of Canadians did not vote Conservative.

Pseudo-patriotic babble about "saving Canada" from a "coup" notwithstanding, the sole undemocratic act in the course of this fiasco is about to be committed by the Prime Minister, should the Governor-General allow it: a proroguing of Parliament. Such hijinks serve but one purpose: to enable der Fuhrer to evade certain defeat for another month and a half. Meanwhile, Canada's economy lurches on, eagerly awaiting a leader with actual economic policies to implement.

This government under no circumstances can (or should) continue governing, yet it's pulling out all the stops (rallies, TV and radio ads, fear-mongering) to maintain its grip on power.

Will the coalition refer to itself as "Canada's new government" in its eventual throne speech? I sure hope so.