The Big Maclica

I've been a vegetarian for 20 years now. I rarely miss meat, but once in a while that Big Mac craving overtakes me. (All together now, those of you who came of age in the '70s: "Two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame-seed bun.") Alas, McDonald's doesn't make a vegetarian version of the Big Mac. What to do? Shows you where my brain is at, does it not, that this is a vexing preoccupation. Anyway, I humbly offer ...

THE BIG MACLICA (YOUR STEP-BY-STEP GUIDE)

1. Find a McDonald's and a Burger King within a block of each other. (Hint for Torontonians: Eglinton Avenue, north side, just east of Yonge.)
2. Stop in at Mickey D's first and order a Big Mac with no meat. You should get the above minus the two all-beef patties. If you don't, send it back and ask them to try again. Sadly, you'll pay full price for this lighter-than-air burger.
3. Stash the Meatless Mac in your backpack and sashay into Burger King.
4. Order the BK Veggie with an extra patty. Make it a combo with fries and a drink if you'd like.
5. When your order arrives, surreptitiously transfer the BK Veggie patties to the Mac. Discard the BK bun and toppings or enjoy them as a side dish; your choice.
6. Dig into your replica Big Mac, a.k.a. The Big Maclica.

I'll be trying this out tonight; will let you know how it goes.