Winterloathe

Hello, everyone. My name is Vern ...

[ Hi, Vern. ]

... and I can't stand winter. I won't bore you with the many ways in which I dislike the season, because no one needs to hear that much whining. (You're bang-on if you've guessed the usual suspects: cold, colds, flu, wind, snow, ice, road salt, Christmas carols, etc.)

If I'm not accustomed to winter by now, I never will be. And I am coming to admit that I never will be. I dream of one day living in a place where there is no snow or ice and the temperature is never minus anything. My birth certificate indeed says "Canadian," but with a hatred of winter this deep seated, I sometimes wonder. That said, in the spirit of fairness (and because I don't want to be so negative), I hereby present ...

EIGHT GREAT THINGS ABOUT WINTER

Yes, I've found eight. Count 'em. And they are:

1. No smog days.
2. I can bake a four-cheese pizza without heating up my apartment.
3. Another of my pet peeves is sweating (I sweat easily). Even if I try my damnedest to overdress for -15 with a -30 windchill, funny thing: I never sweat.
4. It's so wretched outside that there's nothing to do but stay inside and write, write, write.
5. I have a morbid fear of being stung by bees, wasps, and hornets. In the winter, I can relax.
6. When I hang my T-shirts, they take hours, not days, to dry.
7. I can drink hot chocolate guilt-free.
8. Without Toronto's appalling* winter weather, I wouldn't appreciate spring nearly as much.

So, what do you like about winter? Dig deep, people.

(* Winnipeggers, Edmontonians, Montrealers, Haligonians, etc. are at this juncture invited to break into hysterics at the adjective "appalling".)