Furthermore, I Beseech You, Dear Writer, to Refrain from Assigning Convoluted, Elongated Monikers to Posts in the General Vicinity of the Blogosphere

No time for a proper post, so instead I bring you this witty and succinct guide to the written word:

Rules of Writing

• Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.
• Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
• And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
• It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
• Avoid cliches like the plague.
• Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
• Be more or less specific.
• Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
• Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
• No sentence fragments.
• Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.
• Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
• Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
• One should never generalize.
• Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
• Don't use no double negatives.
• ACRONYM (Acronyms Cloud—Rarely Or Never Yield—Meaning).
• Eschew ampersands & abbrev. words.
• One-word sentences? Eliminate.
• Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
• Use of the passive voice is to be avoided.
• Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
• Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
• Kill all exclamation marks!!!
• Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
• Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth-shaking ideas.
• Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed.
• Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
• If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: resist hyperbole. Not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
• Puns are for children, not groan readers.
• Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
• Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
• Who needs rhetorical questions?
• Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

And finally...

• Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.